


Inspiration

by Summer Rain (Zeram)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-02-25
Updated: 1999-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:03:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeram/pseuds/Summer%20Rain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair thinks Jim doesn't need him anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inspiration

**Author's Note:**

> None.
> 
> Archivist Note: written and posted to the SXF list March 1997.

## Inspiration

by Summer Rain

Author's webpage: <http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Studio/3772/Sentinel.html>

Author's disclaimer: Characters belong to Pet Fly Productions. The song "You're the Inspiration" belongs to the band, Chicago. No money exchanged hands for this story. 

* * *

Blair paced back and forth in his office. He was doing a lot of brooding lately. Ever since it had suddenly hit him while he was going over some old research, that he hadn't worked with Jim on a case in a long time. In fact Jim hadn't had a zone out in months. 

_He doesn't need me anymore,_ Blair thought to himself. _What is my excuse for being at the loft then? Its obvious to everyone at the station that I'm not really involved in police work anymore now that I got my Ph.D. Jim says he loves me but..._ Blair sighed and gathered his things together to head back to the loft. 

Jim was in the loft preparing dinner. He watched from the kitchen as Blair stood on the balcony. He sighed in frustration. 

_There he goes again skulking around outside, what is going on in that head of his?_ Sometimes Blair could be so frustrating. He would try to help everyone else solve their problems but would not talk about his own. Jim was the only one he would open up to and even then Jim would have to wheedle it out of him. He took the food out of the oven and then turned his attention back to Blair. 

Blair looked out over the city. He could feel Jim's gaze on him. He knew that Jim was going to confront him about whatever was bothering him. He shook his head with a small smile playing on his face. 

_He'll ask me and I will tell him, no matter how hard I swear to myself that I won't say anything he always manages to get me to talk....God how I love him,_ Blair sobbed to himself. He jumped as he felt arms coming around his waist. He leaned back into the source of his distress/comfort. 

"What is it, baby?" 

Blair shook his head in answer and turned around in the circle of Jim's arms to face him. He hugged Jim tightly to him and rubbed his face against Jim's chest smiling at the sound of Jim's heartbeat. It was reassuring to lean into that solidness. 

Jim felt Blair's hands slide underneath his shirt to trace a path along his back before finally coming to the waistband of his jeans. Blair's hands hovered there as if asking permission to proceed further. Jim looked down at Blair whose eyes were looking at him pleadingly. 

_He needs this right now,_ Jim thought to himself. He really wanted to talk but... _I'd do anything for you, baby,_ Jim thought before bending down to convey the sentiment through a kiss. He pulled back slightly. 

"This isn't over, Chief." 

"I know, Jim." 

Later on they sat down at the table to a reheated dinner. Both of them stealing concerned glances at the other. 

"Blair?" Jim could see Blair tense immediately but resolved to go on anyway. He needed to know what was going on with Blair. 

"Blair, what is bothering you?" 

Blair didn't answer. He rubbed his hands up and down his pant legs nervously until Jim put his hands over his to stop the movement. Blair sighed and turned his hands palms up to hold Jim's hands. 

"Jim...I-I love you." 

"I love you too, Blair." 

"No, you don't." 

"I don't?" Jim said in confusion. Of course he loved Blair, how could Blair think otherwise. 

"Jim, you...what you feel for me. It's based on need. You needed me as your Guide and that's where your feelings came from. But you don't need me anymore." 

"What do you mean Chief? I'll always need you." Jim could feel the panic setting in. Why was Blair saying these things? 

"No Jim, you think you need me but you don't. Eventually you will come to realize this, and then you will resent that you have tied yourself to me. I-I don't want you to ever feel that way, Jim." Blair stood up. "I've arranged to crash at Beth and Amy's house I had some stuff sent over..." Blair's voice trailed away. He had to look away from the hurt on Jim's face. How he wanted to just fall into the others man's arms, but this was for the best. Wasn't it? 

"What? No, Blair, please." Jim could feel the tears form in his eyes when the door bell rang, it was Blair's friends. 

_Oh God don't go please...please._ He reached out to Blair but could only watch helplessly as Blair turned away towards the door. 

Blair gathered a few things while Jim stood rooted to the spot, just watching him. Tears were rolling silently down his face. Beth and Amy had gone to bring Blair's things down to the car, leaving him alone with Jim. 

Blair began to walk towards the door and then stopped, and took the loft keys out of his pocket slowly and looked at them. He turned around and rushed back to where Jim stood and hugged him fiercely placing a kiss on Jim's jaw. He took Jim's hand to try to give the keys back to him. 

"No." Jim refused to unclench his fist. 

"Jim..." 

"I said no, Blair. I refuse to accept this." 

Blair sighed and put the keys back in his pocket. He gave one last hug before he turned around and left the loft. 

* * *

Blair and Jim tossed and turned all night, each missing the comforting presence of the other. Blair finally got up. He found himself looking out of the living room window in Beth and Amy's apartment. He looked out into the night sky, searching for answers. 

_Oh, Jim, I miss you already._ He hugged himself, wishing that it was Jim's arms around him instead. _I wonder what Jim is thinking of now._

_Blair..I'm thinking of you, are you thinking of me?_ Jim had found himself out on the balcony, shivering in the night air. He could tone down his body's responses to the cold but he didn't want to. What he wanted was Blair by his side to keep him warm. _Please come back to me baby. No matter what you may think, I do need you_

Two men, under the same night sky. Each thinking of the other. Each incomplete without the other. 

* * *

Later in the week 

"Think about it, Dr. Sandburg, I will be back from the conference in a week. You can let me know of your decision then, or leave a message with my answering service." 

"Thank you, I will." Blair said his goodbyes and then hung up the phone. A figurine that Jim had given him caught his eye. He had placed it on a shelf at eye level in his office. _Maybe I should take that job out of state, everywhere I look there is a reminder of Jim._

Thinking of Jim reminded him that he had to see Jim tonight. There was going to be a charity ball and he and Jim had promised Simon months ago that they would help out. Simon had called this morning to remind him of it and there was no backing out. 

* * *

"How is Sandburg? He sounded a bit stressed when I talked to him earlier," Simon asked Jim, who now that he thought about it was looking rather stressed out himself. 

"I wouldn't know, Simon, he doesn't live with me anymore." 

"What?! What happened?" 

"We had a fight." 

"Was it about that east coast job offer?" 

Jim stood stock still. _Blair had a job offer out of state? Oh man, if he leaves now with things as they are, I will never see him again._

Simon watched Jim's reaction. Jim would be appalled to know all the emotions Simon could read on his face. Fear, love, despair...Simon looked at Jim thoughtfully. 

"So, what was the fight about Jim?" 

"He thinks I don't need him anymore," Jim answered distractedly. 

"Maybe what he needs is a public declaration." 

"Public declaration?" Jim asked 

"Yes, to let him know how much you love him." 

Jim looked at Simon, too surprised to deny what Simon already knew. That he loved Blair. He merely nodded and listened to Simon's suggestion. 

* * *

Blair walked into the ballroom at the hotel. He had already talked to Simon who had been standing outside when he arrived. Simon had told him that Jim was already here, but hopefully there would be enough people that he wouldn't bump into Jim tonight. He knew if he saw Jim all of his defenses would crumble. 

Jim watched Blair from the corner of the room. Th lighting in the room caused the highlights in Blair's hair to stand out. Having not seen Blair for several days he was struck again by Blair's raw beauty. Jim felt a lump form in his throat. _He is so beautiful, inside and out. How could he think there will ever be a time when I don't want him?_

Blair relaxed as the evening wore on. He hadn't seen Jim but he had bumped into Jim's coworkers and had been caught up on department gossip. A few of them teased him good-naturedly about being Dr. Sandburg now. 

The evening was winding down and Blair sat in a chair drinking punch contentedly. Simon had just told him that the amount of donations received had broken expectations. And he hadn't suffered the emotional breakdown he had feared, there was no reason to because he still hadn't seen Jim. 

All of a sudden he felt a large presence in front of him. He looked up to see Jim looking down at him. 

"May I have this dance, Chief?" 

_What? Jim was asking him to dance. In public?_ He looked around but the other partygoers were oblivious to them. 

"Please, Blair?" 

Blair could only nod and stand up. He was confused but it felt so good to have Jim's arms wrapped around him again. 

Blair was interrupted from his thoughts by an announcement by the DJ. "This song goes out to Chief from J, hmm well I guess you know who you are," the DJ said laughingly. 

Blair looked up in shock. "Jim? what..." He stopped when Jim pulled him in tighter to move in time to the song. 

You know our love was meant to be  
the kind of love to last forever  
and I want you here with me  
from tonight until the end of time

you should know, everywhere I go  
you're always on my mind, in my heart in my soul  
Baby, you're the meaning in my life, you're the inspiration  
you bring feeling to my life, you're the inspiration  
wanna have you near me, I wanna have you here being safe  
no one needs you more than I need you

And I know, yes I know that its plain to see  
so in love when we're together  
now I know that I need you here with me  
from tonight until the end of time

you should know, (yes you need to know) everywhere I go  
you're always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul  
you're the meaning in my life, you're the inspiration  
you bring feeling to my life, you're the inspiration  
wanna have you near me, I wanna have you here being safe  
no one needs you more than I need you

Jim began to sing along with the music. Wiping at the tears that were running down Blair's face. 

"When you love somebody, 'till the end of time  
"When you love somebody, always on my mind, no one needs you more  
than I -"

Blair broke away from Jim and ran from the hotel.

"Too little, too late?" Jim asked Simon who had come to stand next to him. 

"Who knows, Jim. Why don't you head on home. Maybe he will call," Simon said with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "You don't have your truck with you, right? Do you need a lift?" 

"No thanks, Simon, I think I will walk home." 

Simon watched as Jim walked away shoulders hunched as he left the room. 

* * *

Jim walked towards the loft still deep in his thoughts. Wondering what else he could possibly do to get Blair to stay. He opened the door and hung his coat up still distracted when he heard someone talking. It was the tail end of a conversation. 

"...thank you. Yes, Professor. Just calling to say thank you for the offer but I won't be accepting the position." Blair turned around from facing the balcony to see Jim standing in the doorway. 

Jim listened in to the other speaker. 

"Dr. Sandburg, is there anything we can offer you to make you reconsider?" 

"No, you see I have another offer. This one comes with lifetime tenure." 

Blair grinned at Jim as he said this, watching as Jim smiled back in answer. 

"Okay, Dr. Sandburg. Goodbye." 

"Goodbye and thank you." 

He put down the cell phone and held his arms out to Jim who willingly went forward to embrace him. 

"Chief? how did you..." 

"The keys, Jim. I'm glad you wouldn't accept them." He said smiling. "I'm sorry, Jim. I'm sorry for rushing out on you." 

"It's okay, Chief. The party was getting boring, anyway." 

"Not just the party, Jim, but everything. I've been so wrong. When you had them play that song, I knew then. I know how hard that must have been for you, Jim." Blair looked up at Jim, his eyes shining with love. He wished he could express in words his feelings for Jim. But, it didn't matter he knew that Jim would understand. 

"Blair, letting the world know I love you wasn't hard. The alternative would have been much harder. Nothing could compare to how I would have felt trying to live life without you. This past week was proof of that to me. It was pure hell." Jim said 

He reached down to tilt Blair's face up. He kissed him. It started out soft but turned into something much more. All of the pent up feelings of the past week came poring out of him. He needed to claim Blair again, to reassure himself that Blair was really here in his arms. 

Blair clung to Jim and kissed him back as best he could. He gave himself over to Jim. He knew what Jim was doing. Jim was claiming him again. And he was claiming Jim. 

"Jim, I love you...I'm sorry for everything I've put you through," Blair said stepping back to look up at Jim. His eyes filled up remembering the hurt he had felt all week. Whatever he had felt, Jim probably felt it worse since it had not been his choice to walk away. 

"Blair, shhh...that is in the past now Chief. Just know this, I love you and I need you always..." he said pulling Blair into his arms again. "...and I'm never letting you go." 

"You won't have to Jim. Nothing could make me leave you. 'Till death do us part' and all that," Blair said smiling. 

"Besides, didn't I hear about some sort of deal, Chief. Something about lifetime tenure. The offer stands, Chief. Do you accept?" 

"Yes. 100%. Wholeheartedly," Blair laughed as Jim swung him up in has arms and carried him up to the bedroom. 

They sealed the deal with a kiss. The negotiations were carried on in a manner that was satisfactory to all parties involved. 

**THE END**


End file.
